Toasts That Sing: 30 Essentials for Offering Praise

1. Statements like "I love you" express personal emotion, whereas "Everyone who knows you, loves you" is actual praise. Both are necessary and should never be substituted for the other.



2. Praise addresses what is excellent, admirable or endearing about a person.



3. Not sure what praises to sing? Write a description of your honoree like they are a character in a story; or as a fun, information

gathering exercise, imagine you are compiling an all points bulletin for a highly likeable criminal mastermind.



4. Everyday compliments like "you rock" and "you’re awesome" are too casual and trivialize the milestone event that is being celebrated.



5. Limit yourself to two to five praises per person per toast.



6. Your praise will elicit emotions from your audience. Endeavor to create a mood that reflects your listeners’ overall good sentiments about the honoree.



7. Think about the honoree. Is your praise going to inspire them to think differently about themselves? Will it increase their understanding of why they have earned this achievement?



8. The praise you offer must serve a purpose in your toast or its just flattery.



9. In a perfect world, what would you like to hear about yourself? What would you like to hear in someone else’s toast to that person?



10. Never lie in your toast. You can spin things a little for the sake of poetic license, but you don’t want to activate your honoree’s B.S. barometer.



11. Avoid personal comparisons, and especially avoid using words like better, best or most. Superlatives often lead to hyperbole.



12. If you are looking for inspiration, read book dedications, listen to acceptance speeches, and closely observe reviews of anything that interests you. Even though the form is called criticism, reviews elevate praise to an art form.



13. Modifiers and qualifiers dilute the boldness of your declarations.



14. Each personal tribute celebrates an individual’s accomplishment, which contains its own praiseworthiness. Strive to make each kudo germane to the qualities that made the milestone possible.



15. Your honoree is the subject and not the object. It’s easy to invert them. If you inadvertently make yourself the subject you’ll come off self congratulatory.



16. Being specific helps avoid clichés. If the words you’re considering can be applied to anyone in any circumstance, you can improve upon them.



17. Make certain that the praise you offer is appropriate for a public setting, your particular audience and the type of tribute you are giving.



18. When in doubt, praise values and ethics. For example, do you remember a time when they had to choose between what’s right and what’s easy or fun?



19. Praise a person’s temperament. Not everyone is blessed with unshakable calm, humor or compassion. Temperament can also mean incessantly crabby, cynical, and glum. If this is the case, skip it.



20. Praise a talent. Everyone does something extremely well. While this skill may not be directly related to what is being honored, you are still celebrating personal achievement. A master black jack

player can make a wonderful Bat Mitzvah girl.



21. Spilling your secret feelings can make for great praise. If there is something about the honoree that has always impressed you, why not confess it in public? Allow yourself to be emboldened by the magic of the moment. It will absolutely grab the attention of your listeners, especially the honoree.



22. One single piece of your praise can include more than just your honoree, such as their family or significant friends. If you do offer collective praise, make sure the honoree is still the primary subject of the acclamation.



23. Praise can operate as a backhanded compliment. The best way to prevent this is to rehearse your toast out loud, both alone and with an audience. Ask yourself if what you have written is open to ambiguous interpretation. If so, clarify what you are saying. Anything a well trained monkey can do should be left unsaid.



24. Support your praise with facts and anecdotes. "Larry is a generous guy." How do we know this is true? Tell us!



25. Praise can serve as persuasive testimony to the character of an honoree. When giving a wedding toast praise both the Bride and Groom, regardless of whose side you represent.



26. If you feel uncomfortable expressing your emotions in public, get over it. Do not indulge in snarky humor or other forms of obnoxious praise just because honest sentiments upset your veneer of cool. Sincere feelings, effectively delivered with conviction, will make the audience think you’re the coolest.



27. Do not fall into adulation or idolatry. At best you sound like the prophet of a new messiah, at worst it comes off like an obituary. We all have feet of clay; embrace your honoree’s humanity.



28. Quirkiness can be a praiseworthy attribute, too. If you can mention this in a way that highlights only their charm, go for it.



29. Do not pick all your praise from one category. If you say something about their appearance, move on to their sense of humor, or talent as an amateur golf instructor.



30. While trying to think of praiseworthy things to say about your honoree, it’s natural to remember negatives about them as well. If you do, it’s very important to your toast writing process to be honest with yourself about it…just not everybody else.